Today of all days we are reminded how the world is changing. This is true also for me.
My weight loss process has become decidedly more difficult. I think for two reasons: Because the new leaner me needs less food to get by with and the new fitter me needs more exercise to actually burn fat, more than my lunch-time routine seems to allow time-wise. But what the heck, it is starting to become fun. People are noticing and that is really great.
Because of all the salads we now eat, I started a vegetable garden in the spring. This is now beginning to bear... well... vegetables. Last night we had chicken salad, with home grown tomatoes, parsley, peas, lettuce and basil. Farmer brown is eating healthy baby!
My weight loss up to now is just over 26 kg. To put that into perspective, this is just a bit more than one of these containers, filled with filthy, unadulterated, disgusting, wobbly, FAT:
One has difficulty grappling with this. Have you ever carried one of these around? It's hard work. I did it daily without noticing. Now I cannot imagine having to climb steps, getting up from chairs, carrying that around. My world is changing.
Weekends are setting me back big-time. I eat when I'm inactive. Bad, bad, bad. I need to find something to keep me busy weekends. What made this past weekend worse was that my daughter had a swim gala. You basically sit around, eating peanuts, biltong, pretzels, cookies, for six hours, to essentially watch 10 minutes of swimming. It took me almost three days to get back to where I was on Friday.
To all my American friends, I hope Trump really makes America great again. At least political correctness is dead and buried now. Honesty is always a good idea, especially when you are honest with yourself.
Why am I doing this? Health issues? Maybe so, but lots of people get by by taking medication to offset their unhealthy lifestyle. I believed so in The Beginning and sure, I was developing some serious health issues!
But I must admit, if that was 100% true, I would have stopped by now. My heart-rate and blood pressure is down, I tie my shoelaces without developing a brain aneurysm, I walk up stairs without the steam-train effect, no more re-flux while I'm sleeping... In short, health-wise I feel great! But somehow I don't feel validated at all. In my mind, I am very far from done, in fact I'm not sure I will ever be done.
You see, although I have lost 24 kg (Yeah!) up to now, I need another 16-20 kg before I will be satisfied, but will I? Yes, by then my BMI will be within normal range, but what will I be? A lanky guy? Is that me? Even worse, does what you look like define who you are?
Of all people I should understand that. I mean, for 37 of my 46 years, I've been overweight and very aware of that fact, virtually every moment of my life it's there, like a defining attribute of what is "me". I constantly remember the day the school nurse poked her finger into my navel as a "test for the amount of body fat you have", looked at me and declared me grossly overweight, or the day the boy next door looked at me and declared that I look "pathetic". It stung like hell and I believed it, because I saw the same thing in the mirror.
I did not allow that to get me down, however. To some degree, I drew strength from that. It helped me to knuckle down where I had real talent, like academics. My motivation was that if I did not make that work for me, I really was nothing. And I made a success, today I have a good job, with degrees in Engineering and Law behind my name and I feel proud of that. Granted, my school friends that didn't care for studies and went into selling cars are doing financially much, much better, but that's another story for another day. To some degree I've grown to be a bit of an intellectual snob I think, but I am shaking that as fast as possible. I began to define people by their education and academic ability, mainly because it helped me look good when measured by those same means. Since then, I've met people who are extremely wise, without flashy degrees, and it made me do some introspection.
So am I secretly vain? Is that why I am doing it? A friend mine has this pearl of wisdom: "Beware of a guy with a six-pack ladies, as he did not go through the trouble of building that to charm just one girl." No, I'm not doing it for female attention either. I love my wife just fine. On a side note, she's lost 10 kg herself and looks amazing!
The answer is that I'm doing it for self-respect. I'm doing it for that little 10 year old boy who was so hurt by that nurse and what that friend said. It is as if there's this gap in my being where I believe I am inferior to every other person out there in this regard. I want to fix that gap. I want some self-respect. However it goes further than just how you look, it seems that the world believes that if you are overweight, you have no impulse control, emotionally not that stable and not to be taken too seriously. You need to prove your own worth in all situations. What a sign to have to carry around. Unfortunately the world is a superficial place.
The locker-room talk at the gym is strangely tot about losing weight, it's about gaining weight! Guys that look like the fellow above complain bitterly because they are not building muscle fast enough. To me that's as alien as can be... Would I mind looking like that? Not at all! Is it possible for a 46 year old with stretch marks and flabby skin? I guess not. But I am trying to get close and once I'm close, to stay close.
Isn't that an insane video! I think my eldest would love it. His sense of humour is way out there. Rusty spoons, Happiness and Cyanide type of stuff.
First the bad news; I gained 3 kg this week. Now the good news; I lost 3.3 kg this week, bringing it to 20 kg in total! Yeah! How did this happen?
Remember how I complained about dizziness before? My suspicion was that my fitness was improving and therefore my blood pressure medication was becoming too strong. So on Friday, I decided to go without and to check my blood pressure that evening. It was actually normal: 121/79. A also did not take it on Saturday and Sunday, it stayed normal the whole week-end. But I could feel myself bulging in the process. By Monday, I was up by 3 kg.
So I checked my medication. The tablet I take is Co-Pritor, which actually contains a diuretic as well. By Monday my blood pressure had crawled back up to 140/90... It is clear that I'm not a very good cardiologist after all. On Tuesday I started taking my medication again, like a good boy. Weight dropped the next day by 2 kg and day after by another 1 kg. Mostly in the first 30 seconds after getting up...
Diet-wise, it was a difficult week. I will need to up my game. On Tuesday we had a working lunch at Irene Country Lodge. I went the whole nine yards. Moroccan lamb soup starter, grilled chicken breast with baked basmati rice, french beans and coconut-curry sauce main and fruit salad desert. At least I skipped the ice-cream with the desert... They have some idea how to cook, I can confirm that. What I should have skipped, was the popcorn lollipop.
Today, I need to attend a business lunch at AAD, which has all the potential to turn out sinful again. I need to learn to control myself, I guess old habits are hard to break.
Tomorrow morning the Springboks are playing the Spiritual Guardians of the holy game of Rugby. Good luck boys, you are going to need it. Very, very, very much. If only my weight could drop as quickly as my estimation of the Boks.
This morning I am down by 19.7kg. I was hoping for 20, but missed it by 300 grams. That's ok, still down 1.5 kg for the week. Not to be sniffed at.
Last week I was on my way to the Bulls Lions game, watching it from the company's box at Loftus. I was quite fearful of the snacks and the readily available (free) drinks. Alcohol is loaded with kilo-joules! I also did not give the Bulls much of a chance.
In the end, the Bulls ate the Lions for dinner and I kept my dinner well within control. Bravo to them and me!
This week was a terrible gym week. Work was really hectic and I had to work through lunch on many occasions, missing my regular appointment. All in all just two sessions, plus a few guilt-laden, limp push-ups, sit-ups and stairs last night at home. At least I broke a bit of a sweat, for what that's worth. I may have broken the 20kg barrier if it was not for that lack of exercise this week.
I went through a bit of a depression patch this week. At gym, there is this huge mirror in the change room and I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in it. As an obese person, you teach yourself to avert your eyes when mirrors are around.
Surprise, I still look really really fat! Even though I've lost almost 20 kg, I am still about 20 kg overweight. And a person 20 kg overweight is still a sad sight to behold, especially without a shirt. As an adult, I've only once weighed less than now, but that was 15 years ago. Basically I feel great inside but still look crap outside. To top it off there were some really well built guys in there at the same time. I stood out like a fat, fat thumb.
My use of MyFitnessPal is tapering off. Using it, I have learned what is bad and what not, so I only use it when I try something new and to track my weight. The novelty has worn off a bit as well. They have a forum where you can discuss your experiences and I actually got a "You have been warned" from the moderators, for inviting people to read this blog. Go figure. Their loss.
To conclude, isn't that song a blast from the past? The last moments are really moving. That little dog's name is Dennis, you can read all about him. He dropped all that weight by cutting fast-food.
It's been a while... Since my last blog entry, I've lost another 3.2 kg, for a total of a little over 18 kg. This implies that since starting, my average rate of weight loss is 294 gram per day. I think that is good going. I am now well entrenched in doing circuit training. I remember that first day in the gym well, thinking it must be extremely painful to spend time on those machines. Now it is my favourite area! What I like about the circuit is that you get to do a lot, without getting over-tired. Just as your arms get tired, you move on to abs, then legs etc. I am slowly adding more routines as well, which I chain onto the end of the circuit. I do a sort of "abdominal turn" on a strange looking machine. You basically lift a weight by rotating your upper body. I also do a 45 second plank and 20 "half-squats" where I do not bend beyond 90 degrees. Half, because my quadriceps ligaments still hurt like hell and I do not want to risk further knee injury. This is in response to the Linda Kriel 30 days plank challenge that our weight-loss group have taken on.
Exercise is definitely easier now. I think it is due both to improved fitness and reduced weight. My resting heart-rate is down from 95 to 65 now. I think that is quite a dramatic change. I am still taking blood pressure medication, but I think I must see the doctor soon. I am having dizzy spells when I get up quickly, it may be due to blood pressure getting too low. I've been negligent in that regard, as I am doing this whole thing without medical advice. It is incredible how much harm I have been doing to my body. Every single day that I face the man in the mirror, it becomes more and more clear. Stretch-marks, skin-tags, hanging flab and those are just the obvious things. Add to that high blood pressure, gout, gastric re-flux, worn joints and it is clear that my warranty is well and truly voided by now. Last night I had the guts to look at my body-shape again. I am still carrying a lot of excess weight in the form of fat, water and lose skin in my lower abdomen area, but my upper torso is definitely improving. I can see the beginning of my lats forming there! That typical triangular shape is starting to peek at me.
The past weekend, I did an experiment using two bags of 8 kg dog food. I picked it up in the grocery shop and walked around with it for a while... must have looked a bit silly. It was however a bit of a schlep to carry it around. To think I have been doing that for years already and I have another two or more bags to drop on top of that. I am not sure of what my ideal weight must be. I am not of slender build at all, fat aside. My shoulders are wide and my chest "depth" is quite deep, so much so that a 2XL shirt is the smallest I can wear, regardless of whats going on around my middle. I am 1.87 meter tall, and according to BMI I should be 85kg. Without looking for excuses, I do not think that will be practical for me. I think I will wait until I dropped more weight to properly judge that. Our weight-loss group has lost 31 kg in total up to now. Congrats to all of you! Tonight I will be watching the Bulls take on the Lions at Loftus, in the company's box. Afraid of the free access to food, drink and snacks... I do believe that for this lifestyle change to stick, I must learn to handle these kind of situations, so I am heading to the valley of the shadow of death. I have a feeling it will be that for the Bulls as well. I predict a hard day at the office for them.
Last week the expert from the gym suggested that my diet is not optimal, because I cut out carbs completely. He also suggested I start to do some circuit training as well, which I duly did.
I got my hands on a diet by Linda Kriel, who is a well known fitness and diet guru. She used to feature in the Body Beat clips that was part of "Good Morning South Africa" in the 80's to 90's. Oh man it was such a good way to start your day. Just check out the video clip from back then:
Fast forward 30 years and she still does it quite well...
Where was I... My lovely wife joined me in this quest, although her weight is very close to ideal in any case. (Did I mention before that she has natural grace and beauty?) So we are both eating according to this diet. I also exercise using the super-circuit at the gym. My routine is as follows; Start with 5 min stationary bike cardio, burn about 50 calories, then do the super-circuit, with climbing steps between machines. I do 20 repetition per machine and I set the effort level so that the last repetition is almost impossible to complete. At least I am not that guy forever adjusting it to lower levels any more.
The most difficult part is actually the stairs between machines. That last step is like a mountain. I finish off by doing another 5 minutes on the stationary bike, burning another 50 calories. Normally I need some help to get down the stairs by then. I think stamina is not my forte, I am more a speed and strength guy.
I found a cure for the lazy weekends as well. I've started laying out a vegetable garden at home, to supplement all these veggies we are now supposed to eat. So after a few hours of swinging a pick ax, digging trenches and general manual labour, I now have the beginnings of a vegetable garden, a few bad blisters on my hands and huge respect for people who do this kind of thing for a living!
Now for the good news. It really works! After my session on Friday, the weekend, yesterday and today, I am down 2 kilograms already! I have broken the 15 kg barrier!
I missed my goal for this week, by almost a kg! Lost a measly 600 gram. And I have not been cheating. To be honest I feel cheated. I've been reading up on weight loss theories. One thing remains true at all times: Diet is a noun and not a verb. Because if you are "on a diet", it implies you will be "off a diet" at some stage. It's like driving your car without a fuel gauge. You need to know where you are, what you've taken in and if you need to take it easy. I notice now that I get grumpy when I don't go to the gym. I guess that is a good sign in some way? My gym partner still has some effects of the flu, but yesterday we could go, and last night I felt much better, like I am more in control again. Of course the scale shattered that illusion this morning... I will just need to work through it. Spoke to one of the experts at the gym yesterday. He says I might actually be eating too little. According to him, your body needs some nutrients to be able to metabolize your body fat. It sounds like sound advice. He also says I should start on weight or circuit training, as this is accelerates weight loss. I am prepared to try and I will do it from now on. My fitness has picked up a bit, so it is not as uncomfortable as before. At his advice I am going to see a dietitian as well, if my medical aid covers it. So this afternoon, it's me and this place:
On a lighter note, I see that a proper Hankey Pankey burns about a hundred or more calories. I think it's time my wife should start joining me in this quest...
